Harry Potter Gone Wrong!
by MorganShadow
Summary: The REAL Chapter Eight IS NOW UP! ALTOIDS FOR EVERYONE! The results are now open to the public, after a long and anticipated wait! Our poor switched heroes now have to deal with dog slobber, turkey bacon and MORE! READ ON! Rated to be on the safe side.
1. The Insanity Begins!

Harry Potter Gone Wrong!  
  
By MorganShadow  
  
DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter and all other related indicia belong to J.K. Rowling.  
  
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INTRODUCTION: The Insanity Begins!  
  
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Hermione is cheating on Krum with Seamus Finnigan. Krum tries to get jiggly with Ron, and Fleur Delacour comes back to Hogwarts, as promised, and falls in love with Harry. Will this madness never end?!  
  
Professor McGonagall: I have to find the room where I left those chamber pots! I think I'll try this room . . . *hears strange sounds coming from behind the door*  
  
Hermione: Oh Seamus, oh Seamus, you bad boy!  
  
Seamus: Shut up and kiss me, Hermione!  
  
McGonagall: *hears wet, sloppy kissing sounds inside the room* Miss Granger! Mr. Finnigan! I am appalled by your behavior! Ten points each from Gryffindor!  
  
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Shadow: EWWWWWIE! SICKENING!  
  
Morgan: Somebody slap her!  
  
Shadow: *gets slapped* OWNESS!  
  
Morgan: MUAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Shadow: Shut up, you piece of crap!  
  
Morgan: You smell like one!  
  
Shadow and Morgan: *start a catfight*  
  
Mysterious Voice: Long live Altoids!  
  
Mysterious Voice 2: Long live the queen!  
  
Shadow and Morgan: *stop fighting long enough to screech "SHUT UP, YOU IMBECILIC TWITS!" *  
  
MV's: *run off crying while the authors continue to pummel each other*  
  
Shadow and Morgan: Sorry! Back to the story!  
  
____________  
  
Hermione and Seamus together: NOOOO! Sorry Professor!  
  
McGonagall: Shut up and no making out for the rest of the year!  
  
Hermione: *performs Memory Charm* what was that, Professor? You say you're giving us both one hundred points each and make out privileges?  
  
McGonagall: Yes . . . *drools* that is what I was saying, wasn't it? *ambles out of the room looking for chamber pots, which the thought somehow managed to escape the charm*  
  
Hermione and Seamus *resume making out*  
  
____________  
  
Morgan and Shadow: How was it? Jinx! Double jinx! Triple jinx! Stop copying me! AAAGGGGHHHHHH!  
  
Morgan: *sigh* Next chapter!  
  
Shadow: Nyukk nyukk honk honk whee!  
  
Morgan: Erm . . . yeah, I am deeply disturbed now.  
  
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PLEEZ PLEEZ PLEEEEEZ R/R! 


	2. Krum Feels Funny on the Inside

Harry Potter Gone Wrong! Chapter Two  
  
By . . . None Other than MorganShadow! *gong bangs* Duhhhhhh . . .  
  
DISCLAIMER: We own nothing related to Harry Potter. That stuff belongs to Ms. J.K. Rowling over there! *J.K. takes a bow*  
  
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CHAPTER TWO: Krum feels funny on the inside. . .  
  
Krum: Oh Hermy-own! I mean Herm-own-ninny! How could you do this to MMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! My heart aches for you Herm-own-ninny!  
  
Ron: Shuttup I'm trying to work!  
  
Krum: Sorry Ron.  
  
Ron: Sharing a room with Krum! What was I thinking! Stupid, stupid, stupid! *bangs head against wall*  
  
Krum: *turns head towards Ron* Hey Ron, do you like . . . . boys?  
  
Ron: *blinks* What the . . . *makes fingers into a cross* Stay away! *screams*  
  
Krum: Vhy don't you vrap those strong arms around me? Come here, I vont some of that!  
  
Ron: Oh, bloody HELL! COME OFF IT! SOMEBODY SAVE ME! KRUM'S NOT STRAIGHT ANY MORE! Oh, Hermione, what have you done?  
  
Krum: I know you vont me Ronnie . . . hold me close Meester Veezley!  
  
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Meanwhile, our heroic (and disgustingly sick-minded) authors Morgan and Shadow Fay are locked in a car full of pencils, paper, and sharpeners trying to write this chapter while their mom is shopping at Victoria's.  
  
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Morgan: See, these are the kind of sick ideas that regularly sprout in our minds-especially Shadow's.  
  
Shadow: Most of this nasty dialogue is from me, but Morgan does some *sticks out tongue while eating Altoids*  
  
Morgan: Altoids . . . ALTOIDS! GIVE ME ALTOIDS! ADDITCTION IS OVERWHELMING!  
  
Shadow: *kicks out violently* MY ALTOIDS!  
  
Morgan: PLEASE GIVE ME ONE!  
  
Shadow: *surprisingly, hands one over and has apparently done nothing to it* Here you go.  
  
Morgan: *crazed by addiction* WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO IT? TELL ME NOW!  
  
Shadow: Nothing . . . honestly. You misjudge your dear sister!  
  
Morgan: *glares craftily at Shadow as she gobbles up the Altoid* MORE! JUST ONE, JUST ONE!  
  
Shadow: Nope, that's all you get.  
  
Morgan: *whining pitifully* please?  
  
Shadow: *watches Morgan whine and her eye starts twitching*  
  
Morgan: What?  
  
Shadow: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *falls out of the car window laughing and bangs her head on the concrete for the hundredth time*  
  
Morgan: I am feeling queasy inside. Why?  
  
Shadow, between bursts of insane laughter: THAT WAS THE ALTOID AMANI PISSED ON!  
  
Morgan: Oh well, it's just the dog. THE DOG? WHAT THE HELL?!  
  
Shadow: When she had diarrhea!  
  
Morgan: FOR THE ALTOIDS! *pummels Shadow*  
  
Shadow: YOUR ASS! *dives at Morgan*  
  
MV1: Morgan is a deranged child addicted to Altoids.  
  
MV2: Shadow is an even more deranged child who is also addicted to Altoids, and, more frequently, throttling her sister.  
  
Morgan and Shadow: We thought we got rid of you! SCRAM!  
  
MV's: Run away!  
  
Now back to our well-thought-out (NOT!) story . . .  
  
____________  
  
Hermione: Seamus dumped me, and now I'm coming back to you, Krummie-babyyy!  
  
Krum: Stay away, Herm-own-ninny! I loved you vonce, but my heart now belongs to another . . .  
  
Hermione: Uhhhhh . . . what?  
  
Krum: I am the Juliet of Durmstrang, and Ronald Veezley is my Romeo!  
  
Ron: NOOOOOOOO! STAY AWAY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME, HERMIONE?! I THOUGHT YOU CARED ABOUT ME!  
  
Hermione (she had been dating him too): *tiptoes out of the room and locks the door* I'll just leave you two loverboys alone, shall I? *walks away, grinning evilly*  
  
Ron: NO YOU SHAN'T! *bangs on door*  
  
Krum: Soundproof, Ronnie, my little goblet of pumpkin juice!  
  
Ron: NOOOO! THIS IS CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT, HERMIONE! *backs into a corner* Stay away from me, Krum!  
  
Krum: *smiles seductively* Come here, my little cabbage!  
  
____________  
  
Morgan: What will happen to poor Ron? Nah, nah nah nah nahhhhhhhhhh! *sticks out tongue* You won't find out till the fourth chapter!  
  
Shadow: Oh, tell them already!  
  
Morgan: No!  
  
Mysterious Bark: Rufff arfff arfff aroooooo! (Translation: Tune in next time!)  
  
Morgan and Shadow: Shut up you stupid dog! *attacks Amani*  
  
Mysterious Bark, now identified as Amani: Aroooooooowwwwwww! (Translation: What in the name of beef jerky-)  
  
Morgan and Shadow, who are now finished with Amani: *start throttling each other* DIEEEEEEEEEE!  
  
____________ 


	3. Fleur Delacour Is a Nurse?

Harry Potter Gone Wrong! Chapter Three  
  
By Your Comical Authors Morgan and Shadow Fay (MorganShadow)!  
  
DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter and all related indicia belong to J.K. Rowling!  
  
CHAPTER THREE: Fleur Delacour is a Nurse?!  
  
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Wood: *after Quidditch match against Hufflepuff-won, of course* HARRY! WHAT IN THE NAME OF CHINESE FIREBALLS ARE YOU DOING? YOU'RE DRIPPING BLOOD ALL OVER THE FIELD! GO TO THE ASSISTANT NURSE'S TENT!  
  
Harry: Assistant nurse?  
  
Wood: YES! ASSISTANT NURSE! WHAT PART OF THAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?  
  
Harry: Which one, the red-crossed tent or the pink?  
  
Wood: *eyes begin to glaze over* The pink . . .  
  
Harry: *arrives at tent* OH LORD, IT'S PINK!  
  
Assistant Nurse comes out of tent: 'Ello 'Arry, you dum'ass!  
  
Harry: *thinking, 'This is my lucky day!'* FLEUR?!  
  
Fleur: I got a job 'ere, 'Arry, I must improve my Eenglish! *jabs finger into the air*  
  
Harry: *just realizes that Fleur dissed him two minutes ago* HEY! I'M NOT A DUMBASS!  
  
Fleur: O' well. Professor Dumbly-dorr gave me a good job 'ere.  
  
Harry: I see.  
  
Fleur: Give me a 'ug, 'Arry, I 'aven't seen you in such a long time!  
  
Harry: *weighs chances in mind for about four seconds* Okay!  
  
_____________  
  
Our psychopathic/heroic authors are now locked in their basement which is cluttered with paper, half-chewed pencils/erasers, sharpeners, a computer, and, of course, Altoids galore.  
  
_____________  
  
Amani: Bark arff arrooooo! (Translation: Now for a little Author's Time!)  
  
Shadow and Morgan: Shut up, you stupid dog! *slaps him*  
  
Amani: *keels over* Arfy arffffy arooofyy! (Translation: The pain! The agony!) *Holds up a sign that says 'Back in five minutes'*  
  
Morgan: *laughs evilly and ties him up*  
  
Shadow: *laughs evilly and ties Morgan up and throws her out the window*  
  
Morgan: *comes back through the window, ties her up, and bangs her head against the concrete floor* MWAHAHAHA!  
  
Shadow: *gnaws through ropes and attacks Morgan with a nail filer*  
  
MV1: Girls, you shouldn't fight like that!  
  
Shadow: Shut the f*** up and go away!  
  
MV1: Don't talk to me like that, young lady, or you'll be grounded for a week!  
  
Shadow: *eyes grow wide and start twitching* MOM?!  
  
MV2 (talking to Morgan): You shouldn't hurt the dog like that. She's your friend!  
  
Morgan: You are too much like my dad for comfort!  
  
MV2: Are you sure we're different people?  
  
Morgan: *eyes twitch* What the--DAD?!  
  
MV1, now identified as Mom: Now that we are finally identified, we'd like to meet your friends who are reading this!  
  
Morgan and Shadow: What're you talking about?! We don't know them-they're just reading this for the fun of it! But we thank you all for donating your valuable time to a good cause.  
  
You: *bows* I love the public . . . wait a minute! I'm in the story! HI MOM!  
  
Amani: Meow, meow, meow, meow, Meow, meow, meow, meow, Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!  
  
Shadow: We need Smoothie to translate that one!  
  
Morgan: I can only translate cat, but only Shadow can translate dog! Come here, Smoothie-moothie-woothie!  
  
Smoothie: Meow, meow, meow, meow, purrrr. (Translation: If I'm gonna translate anything, you're gonna have to swear that you'll never say Smoothie-moothie-woothie again, especially in front of Shadow!)  
  
Morgan: No problemo-ness!  
  
Smoothie: Mreowrrrr. (Translation: That either.)  
  
Morgan: Okay!  
  
Smoothie: All I'm telling you is that it's about delivering a certain brand of cat food. The commercial had a striped gray cat on the telephone with his owner.  
  
MV2, newly identified as Dad: Oooh! Oooh! I know this one!  
  
Shadow: Too bad! This puzzle is for the readers/reviewers! If you can solve it, we'll put you in a chapter, and you won't have to do anything nasty unless you request it! You will also receive a guest appearance on what Amani calls 'Authors' Time'!  
  
Mom: Dangit! I know this one too!  
  
Shadow: Well, that sucks for you, doesn't it!  
  
Smoothie: *yawns* Mrreowwrrrie! (Translation: Shut up and get the freak back to the story!)  
  
Shadow: Stupid cat.  
  
_____________  
  
Wood: *strolling by the bleachers* Oh, Lord; HARRY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING UNDER THERE WITH THE ASSISTANT NURSE?!  
  
(Yes. What happens in the light of late afternoon under the bleachers? A serious make-out session. What else?)  
  
Harry: *blushes furiously* Uhmmm . . . healing my injuries? I mean, God, I'm fifteen!  
  
Fleur: Zey are very serious wounds! I thought I could find some sort of medicine under ze bleachers . . . ?  
  
Wood: Um . . . sure, Harry . . . whatever you say . . . *walks away*  
  
Harry: Sucker . . . heh heh . . .  
  
Harry and Fleur: *take up making out once again*  
  
_____________  
  
Solve Amani's meowing riddle and you can be in the next chapter!  
  
*Shadow and Morgan are busy dueling with nail filers*  
  
Smoothie: Meow, meow-  
  
Amani: AWOOF!  
  
Shadow and Morgan: What they are TRYING to say is 'Tune in next time'  
  
Dad: *falls asleep*  
  
Shadow and Morgan: *attacks Dad with their nail filers*  
  
Dad: What?! What?! Okay, I'm up!  
  
Mom: We're a happy family!  
  
Shadow and Morgan: *cough hysterically trying not to laugh*  
  
Everybody then waves and proceeds to pummel each other except for the parents. They need to set a good example for their daughters, don't they? 


	4. Hagrid and Ron Must TRY to Knock Some Se...

Harry Potter Gone Wrong! Chapter Four  
  
By Who Other Than Your Altoid-Addicted Authors Morgan and Shadow Fay!  
  
DISCLAIMER: Nothing that is or is related to Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, not us!  
  
CHAPTER FOUR: Hagrid and Ron Must TRY to Knock Some Sense into Krum's Head  
  
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Ron: SOMEBODY HELP ME! HARRY! HERMIONE! HAGRID! ANYBODY! *trembling in fear*  
  
Krum: *seductively* Come here, my little Altoid! *waves two Altoid tins in front of him that he stole from the authors-huh?!*  
  
Krum: *drops gay mode for a few seconds* I gotta get paid somehow, you know.  
  
CUT!  
  
*Shadow and Morgan jump onto the scene*  
  
Shadow and Morgan: Hand them over!  
  
Krum: Never!  
  
Shadow and Morgan: FOR THE ALTOIDS! *scream in fury and attack Krum*  
  
Ron: *watches in relief as Krum's attention is distracted and chews a hole through the door*  
  
Amani: *Holds up a sign that says: Cut! Take Two!*  
  
Krum: Okay, okay, I'll give them back! Here! *hands over the Altoids cans*  
  
Shadow: Addiction is contagious.  
  
Morgan: Mwahahahaha!  
  
Smoothie: Meowrrrrrr! Hissssssssss! (Translation: This was NOT Author's Time or whatever the disgusting dog calls it! Back to the ORIGINAL storyline!)  
  
Shadow and Morgan: *walk off grumbling; Morgan is trying to hold an insane Shadow back from ripping Krum's head off*  
  
ANYWAYS . . .  
  
Ron: *comes back with Hagrid*  
  
Hagrid: Krum! What's goin' on in yer 'ead?! If yeh like boys, tha's okay, but yeh c'n do better 'n Ron!  
  
Ron: I should ruddy well think not!  
  
Shadow: *pokes head through now open door* Ron, you have NO idea how wrong that sounded. It sounded like you wanted him . . . Buh-bye! *disappears using her mystical author-powers*  
  
Ron: *blinks* Uhmmmm . . . right. *waltzes awkwardly out the door*  
  
Hagrid, who is still talking to Krum and oblivious to what is happening: Yeh should fin' a boyfrien' at yer own school.  
  
Krum: *sniffing uncontrollably* Good-bye, Ronnie-baby! My Romeo! I love you, and I am torn apart that our vows must be broken-  
  
Ron: *pokes head back through the door, looking disgusted and horrified* THERE WER'NT ANY TO BEGIN WITH!  
  
Krum: YOU DON'T LOVE MEEEEEEEE!  
  
Ron: I'll say! *disappears*  
  
Shadow: *comes in and knocks Krum out* Morgan! Throw him out the window!  
  
Morgan: No problem. *throws Krum beyond Hogwarts grounds* Apparate already!  
  
_____________  
  
Mom: Sorry for all the trouble with our children.  
  
Dad: We would stop them, but it's their story. And Shadow's not her real name. It's Ev-  
  
Shadow: Shut up! *knocks Dad out* Yo, Morgan! Throw him out the window too!  
  
Morgan: *looks up from the ground, suddenly interested* Really? Okay! *throws him out the window* Apparate already!  
  
Dad: *hits ground and groans* Oiyyyyy . . .  
  
Shadow and Morgan: No you live!  
  
Dad: Yuhpppppp . . . *drools*  
  
Mom: Back to the story!  
  
Shadow: There is none of this chapter left to write!  
  
Mom: Well that's a first.  
  
Shadow: *knocks her out too* Throw her out the window too!  
  
Morgan: No! Mom will kill!  
  
Shadow: *rolls eyes* To protect her children.  
  
Morgan: She will also kill her children.  
  
Shadow: Good point. *points wand at Mom* Ennervate!  
  
*Silence*  
  
Mom: *says drunkenly* Okay, we're done, buh-bye.  
  
_____________  
  
Thanks to all of our great reviewers as of May 30-31, 2003! They are: JJ, tackarama, and Sanari! You're great!  
  
LONG LIVE ALTOIDS! 


	5. A HalfGiant’s Wedding Will Turn Disastro...

Harry Potter Gone Wrong! Chapter Five  
  
By Morgan and Shadow Fay (MorganShadow), who are contentedly going through ten Altoids tins at a time.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter and all related indicia belong to whom other than the great J.K. Rowling!  
  
CHAPTER FIVE:  
  
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Hagrid: Olympe . . . I know yer half-giant. Who's side was it on?  
  
Madame Maxime: I admit it, 'Agrid. I am 'alf-giant. On my muzzer's side.  
  
Hagrid: Mine too! We're meant for each other! Will you marry me?  
  
Madame Maxime: *considers proposal for half a second* All right!  
  
Hagrid and Madame Maxime: (well, you know, start making out, shoopid!)  
  
(At that moment, Harry and Ron happen to stroll by Hagrid's hut and look through the window)  
  
Ron: *about to bang on door* Hagrid it's u-WHOA . . . not for me! Come on, Harry, we're leaving!  
  
Harry: Why? I wanna talk to Ha-WHOA. Not for me, either! Let's just leave those two lovebirds alone, shall we?  
  
____________  
  
Harry's invitation, written by Hagrid with his horrible spelling:  
  
WHO: Rubeus Hagrid and Olympe Maxime  
  
WHAT: Weding!!!  
  
WHERE: By the lake  
  
WHEN: September 23  
  
We hop you wil join us!  
  
Harry: And I've got to be the best man, probably.  
  
Ron: Me too.  
  
Hermione: Madame Maxime asked Fleur and I to be her bridesmaids.  
  
Harry and Ron: Wait a minute . . . WE HAVE TO GO TO A WEDDING! NOOOOOO!  
  
Fleur: *walks in* 'Ello, 'Arry, my love! "Ello 'Ermione, 'ello Ron!  
  
Ron: 'My love'? Is there something you're not telling us, Harry?  
  
Hermione: Yes, Harry! We thought we were your FRIENDS!  
  
(At that moment, Fleur chose to tackle Harry).  
  
Ron and Hermione: *stares for a second* Okay, we're going . . . buh-bye.  
  
Harry: WHOO! DO THAT AGAIN!  
  
____________  
  
Shadow: Well, Shekiah translated Amani's riddle. The answer was 'I want chicken, I want liver, Meow Mix, Meow Mix, please deliver!'  
  
Morgan: Now why was a dog singing about cat food? We'll never understand the mind of an Altoid-addicted dog.  
  
Shadow: Yeah. Well, Shekiah has been chosen to appear in this chapter and on an exclusive episode of 'Authors' Time!'  
  
Shekiah: Yo . . .  
  
Shadow: Whatever. Welcome Shekiah! So tell me. Why are you wearing a dress?  
  
Shekiah: *turning red-faced* You know why! Your making me go to Hagrid's wedding!  
  
Morgan: Well you did win the contest. You said you didn't mind as long as you could be with Dra----  
  
Shekiah: Shuttup!!!!!!! *turning a nice maroon color*  
  
Shadow: Well here's you chance! Now leave the dress on or get out! *teeth begin to turn yellow and drip Altoid venom*  
  
Shekiah: Um . . . okay. *edges away from Shadow*  
  
Amani: Grrrrr gruff arrro!!!! (Translation: Now welcome the newest addition to the Fay family . . . Honeysuckle Fay , the lizard. Also known as Lizzy.  
  
Lizzy (scratching against the cage since she can't make noise): Scritch Scratch Scrootch (Translation: Thanks stupid. We'll come back to Harry Potter Gone Wrong after this commercial break!  
  
Smoothie: Hiiiss. Meowrirr! (Translation: There are no commercials!  
  
Lizzy: Scraaaatch (Translation: You'll see)  
  
____________  
  
(Harry, Dumbledore, Hermione, Ron, Fleur, Professors McGonagall and Snape, and Shekiah are attending the wedding with the entire Hogwarts/ Beauxbotons crowd)  
  
Dumbledore: We are gathered here today . . .  
  
Hagrid: I do.  
  
Dumbledore: *whispers* Not yet Hagrid!  
  
Hagrid: Sorry.  
  
Dumbledore: We are gathered here today to join in marriage . . .  
  
Harry and Ron: *like everyone else tunes out on what Dumbledore is saying*  
  
Shadow: Altoid? I have done nothing to it.  
  
Morgan: Sure! I trust you today.  
  
Shadow: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!  
  
Morgan: What?! What have you done to it?  
  
Shadow: Nothing!! I just like to toy with you mind. Muahahahahahaha!!!!!!!  
  
Morgan: Ice cubes?  
  
Shadow: Sure. The regular.  
  
Morgan: Seven?  
  
Shadow: That's the regular.  
  
Morgan: 'K.  
  
Shadow and Morgan: Begin to throw ice cubes and Altoids at each other disrupting the wedding.  
  
Morgan: MY ALTOIDS!!!!!!!!  
  
Shadow: MY ICECUBES!!!!!!  
  
(Great now their addicted to ice cubes and Altoids.)  
  
Dumbledore: Ahem!  
  
Shadow and Morgan: Um.. Sorry! *content themselves with their Altoids and ice cubes*  
  
Dumbledore: . . . .and do you Rubeus take Olympe as your lawful wedded wife to . . .  
  
Ron and Harry: *tune back in for Hagrid's answer*  
  
Hagrid: I do.  
  
Dumbledore: Do you Olympe take..Oh you get the picture, reverse everything and give your answer.  
  
Madame Maxime: I do.  
  
Dumbledore: You may kiss the bride.  
  
(At this, everyone except the polite teachers turn their heads when the two huge beings kiss.)  
  
Seamus: CAKE, CAKE, CAKE, CAKE!  
  
Everyone: CAKE, CAKE, CAKE, CAKE! CAKE, CAKE, CAKE, CAKE! CAKE, CAKE, CAKE, CAKE!  
  
Winky: *sobbing* 'Tis not work for a house-elf. Not to be seen is mark of excellence. Not to be seen is good! Why must poor Winky be seen? *peeks behind the cake* naughty, naughty students! *pushes the cake to the side* Shame! Shame! Dumbledore!  
  
Shekiah and Draco: *making out*  
  
Morgan: Thanks for letting us attend Hagrid!  
  
Shadow: I told you you'd like wearing the dress Shekiah.  
  
Shekiah and Draco: *continue making out and don't pay attention to anyone*  
  
Shadow and Morgan: Looks like it's the end! Tune in next time!!!!!! Stop copying me! No you stop! Grrrrrr!!!!! *begin to throttle each other* Muahahahahaha! I said Shuttup!  
  
Everyone: *becomes afraid of the authors, run away making a mess while trampling stuff*  
  
Giant Squid in lake: *grabs the leftover cake and gobbles it down underwater.*  
  
Shekiah and Draco: *continue making out*  
  
____________  
  
New contest! Submit an e-mail to stichette299@hotmail.com to send in who (Ex. Krum) should be sent into St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. Also send in why (Ex. Trying to kiss Ron). Whoever gets the most votes wins. The contestants are Krum, Ron, Draco, Hagrid, Fleur, Professor McGonagall, and Shadow! Sorry scratch that Shadow is not one the contestant list. The entries are due by June 8th.  
  
Thanks to our wonderful reviewers!!!! nadz, Wahotsiru, Dakon-sai, and Matsuyi!!!!!!!!! Thank you for submitting reviews! We'll try to put your name at the end when you review.  
  
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	6. Uhoh! Our favorite authors have writers ...

Harry Potter Gone Wrong! Chapter Six  
  
By Your Favorite Authors (A Least We Think So) Shadow and Morgan Fay  
  
DISCLAIMER: The Harry Potter stuff belongs to J.K Rowling. No money for us!  
  
CHAPTER SIX: Our Favorite Authors Are Suffering From Writers Block! They Need Magical Help! By the way ^^ is music!  
  
_____________  
  
Shadow and Morgan: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  
  
Mom: What is it dears?  
  
Shadow and Morgan: We're suffering from the dreaded ^DUN DUN DUN!!!!!^ WRITERS BLOCK!!!! ^DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!!!!!^  
  
Dad: You're suffering from what?  
  
Shadow: We're suffering from . . .  
  
Morgan: . . The dreaded . . .  
  
Shadow and Morgan: ^DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!^ WRITERS BLOCK!!!! ^DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!!!!!^  
  
Mom and Dad: Okay. *walk off*  
  
Shadow: What is this madness?  
  
Morgan: They're supposed to help!  
  
Shadow: Because we're suffering from . . .  
  
Morgan: The dreaded . . . .  
  
Shadow and Morgan: ^DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!^ WRITERS BLOCK!!!! ^DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!!!!!^  
  
_____________  
  
Shadow: We're going.  
  
Morgan: Where?  
  
Shadow: To Harry Potter World. We have to get help for our ^DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!^ WRITERS BLOCK!!!! ^DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!!!!!^.  
  
Morgan: Magical help?  
  
Shadow: Duh stupid!  
  
Morgan: *growls* Huh!  
  
Shadow: You call that a growl? GRRRRRRRRR!!  
  
Morgan: Meep! *Runs away and comes back with boxing gloves*  
  
Shadow: Uh oh! Run Awaaaaayy!  
  
Morgan: Gr.  
  
Shadow: Can we go now?  
  
_____________  
  
Draco: So. . .you need magical help for you writers block. . .  
  
Shadow and Morgan: Yes!  
  
Draco: And you want me to help you find someone to help you?  
  
Shadow: Yes!  
  
Morgan: Would you?  
  
Draco: Um. . . No. *walks away*  
  
Morgan: Well he was a lot of help. Let's go to Dumbledore!  
  
Shadow: Okies! Er. . .I mean . . .Yeah, sure, whatever.  
  
_____________  
  
Shadow: What's the password?  
  
Morgan: Altoids! Yum! *Eats some altoids*  
  
Shadow: Hmm.Good Thinking! How'd you know? The door opened!  
  
Morgan: What is thinking when you have altoids?  
  
Shadow: Gimme! *Starts to beat up Morgan*  
  
Morgan: OWCHIEKABIBLES!  
  
Dumbledore: Ahem.  
  
Morgan: Hi hi!  
  
Shadow: Dumbledore! We need your help! We have. . .  
  
Morgan: *sticks teeth back in* The dreaded. . .  
  
Shadow and Morgan: ^DUN DUN DUN^ WRITERS BLOCK! ^DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN!^  
  
Dumbledore: I see. . .What do you want me to do? Cure you?  
  
Shadow and Morgan: Yes!  
  
Dumbledore: Sorry. Can't help you.  
  
Morgan: What??  
  
Shadow: This was your idea. . .  
  
Morgan: Shuttup.  
  
Dumbledore: Go see Professor Snape. He may have a potion to cure you.  
  
Shadow and Morgan: Ok.  
  
____________  
  
Snape: Sure I can help you! I just love to help!!!! Children bring me great joy!  
  
Shadow and Morgan: *blink*  
  
Snape: All you need to do, you precious gifts from above, is to give me a sock from Goyle, such a lovely boy, I also need a cinder from the Gryffindor common room fire, a lovely place, and The last item I will need little ones is a blade of grass.  
  
Shadow and Morgan: *blink* Ok. . .  
  
Snape: Off you go you two precious gifts from above.  
  
Morgan: I'm scared.  
  
Shadow: Let's run.  
  
Shadow and Morgan: *run off to find Goyle*  
  
_____________  
  
Goyle: No.  
  
Morgan: *bites Goyle on his hand and won't let go*  
  
Goyle: *winces* Er. . .No.  
  
Shadow: *bites his other hand and won't let go*  
  
Goyle: Gah! Alright! Alright! *Takes off sock and gives it to Morgan*  
  
Morgan: Thanks. And wash your hands once and a while.  
  
Shadow: Yep.  
  
_____________  
  
Shadow: You go.  
  
Morgan: No you.  
  
Shadow: But I insist! *Throws Morgan into the fire*  
  
Morgan: *coughs feebly* Got it.  
  
_____________  
  
Shadow and Morgan: I got one! Mine is better! No it isn't! Stoppit! I said quit! Gr. Forget you.  
  
_____________  
  
Snape: Such marvelous children you are! It was most generous of you to be so brave and get these things! I bet it was so hard!  
  
Shadow and Morgan: *blink*  
  
Snape: *says while throwing ingredients into a pot of water* Such wonderful children. Marvelous! Stupendous! Supercallfracouliciousexpealladocious! *The pot explodes and a clean sock pops out * Here you are! This should ward off those noises you are making! Trumpets!  
  
Morgan: What??  
  
Shadow: we are trying to cure. . .  
  
Morgan: The dreaded. . .  
  
Shadow and Morgan: ^DUN DUN DUN!!!^ WRITERS BLOCK! ^DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUN!^  
  
Snape: Oh. You already did that you smart little children! See? Look at what you are writing down!  
  
Shadow and Morgan: Oh.  
  
Snape: Now you precious little presents it's time to go back to your own world!  
  
_____________  
  
Our favorite authors are staring at the blank screen of their t.v looking puzzled, confused, and addicted.  
  
Shadow: Wow. We cured ourselves . . .  
  
Morgan: Yeah. Altoids . . .  
  
Shadow: What?? Give me those! That's from my stash! It has my name on it!  
  
Morgan: Yum!  
  
Shadow and Morgan: *begin to fight*  
  
Amani: ROOOOO! (Translation: and this is the dog, signing off)  
  
Shadow and Morgan: STUPID DOG! *Attack Amani*  
  
Smoothie: Meow mreeeow! (Translation: Have pity on me folks! I live with them!)  
  
Lizzy: Scritchy (Translation: So do I but I don't care as long as I'm fed. Bye yall)  
  
_____________  
  
SORRY SORRY SORRY! We didn't have any time to write this. I swear we didn't man anything by making you all wait! SORRY! SORRY! SORRY! 


	7. Switching Bodies is Not Fun

Harry Potter Gone Wrong!  
  
By MorganShadow  
  
DISCLAIMER: We shouldn't have to tell you by now, but we'll tell you anyway. HP belongs to J.K. Rowling. And the little poem at the end belongs to Shakespeare from A Midsummer Night's Dream. The last line of it belongs to us, though! We made it  
up! Well, some of it. And also, don't mind us changing a few words (like Fays with Puck).  
  
Morgan and Shadow: Read it or else you dumb mortal!  
  
Chapter Seven: Switching Bodies is Not Fun . . . Not at All!  
  
____________  
  
Harry: I'm bored. Who wants to sing Christmas carols?  
  
Ron and Hermione: Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! MEEEEEEE!  
  
Ron: *puzzled* But it's Halloween . . . ?  
  
Harry: So what?  
  
Hermione: I know this is against the rules, but oh well. Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, why did you fall on top of meeeee?  
  
Harry: It would be funny if we switched bodes.  
  
Hermione: This is totally irrelevant to the subject.  
  
Ron: So what? This story has no plot.  
  
*Suddenly lightning flashes and Morgan and Shadow Fay appear sitting next to them*  
  
Shadow: We can make you switch bodies.  
  
Morgan: We took a class.  
  
*More lightning flashes and Harry, Ron and Hermione are chained to stone chairs in a dark room in a secret laboratory and there are also many sharp pointy things sticking at them*  
  
Hermione: What's all this for?  
  
Morgan and Shadow: Oh, nothing. We just felt like scaring you.  
  
*Blue light comes from their fingertips and hits the trio*  
  
Ron: *loudly and high-pitched* Why am I in a dark room? I have no time for this, I have to study, I have to pass!  
  
Hermione: I have a sudden urge to break rules and prance around naked like an idiot in my Invisibility Cloak.  
  
Harry: I need to go shopping, but I have no money! NOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Morgan and Shadow: *laugh evilly and disappear*  
  
____________  
  
Amani: Ruffy arfy arroooofyywoof! (Translation: Now for Author's Time, yet again!)  
  
Morgan: Why do I have the sudden urge to prance around naked like an idiot in my Invisibility Cloak?  
  
Shadow: Because you are an idiot and you do like to prance around in your birthday suit during the full moon on the front lawn.  
  
Morgan: *dreamily* I know . . . Aren't I perfectly proportional?  
  
Shadow: I don't look unless I'm throwing water balloons and your bathrobe at you from the window when you do that.  
  
Morgan: Oh, so YOU were the one doing that! I just thought I was getting a free bath.  
  
Shadow: Right . . . so can we move on to another subject?  
  
Morgan: Well, how about the time when you were singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T in your bike shorts and 'Gothic Chick' tank top into your pink Barbie hairbrush?  
  
Shadow: Hey! You weren't supposed to tell anyone about that! Now it's all over the Internet! Crap!  
  
Morgan: *continuing* and now you do that every other half-moon in front of the mirror.  
  
Shadow: What about the time you almost married our cousin Max?  
  
Morgan: It was an honest mistake that anyone could have made!  
  
Shadow: Oh, sure . . . YOU TRIED TO MARRY OUR COUSIN!  
  
Morgan: What about the time that you stole Mom's best lipstick and covered Amani with it?  
  
Shadow: *shrugging* So? Everybody knows I did that.  
  
Morgan: Ah, foiled again! Back to HP-  
  
Lizzy: Scritch Scrootch Scriiiiich (Translation: Wow! They went through a whole Author's Time without eating a single Altoid!)  
  
Morgan and Shadow: Crap! Oh well. Back to HPGW!  
  
____________  
  
Snape: I'm so very happy to see all you wonderful little children!  
  
Draco: And I think I'm speaking for everyone when I say that we are ever so glad to see you as well, Professor!  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione: *shake heads in amazement*  
  
Lavender: *whispering* No we aren't!  
  
Snape: *drops happy and extremely gay mode* What did you say?  
  
Lavender: I mean, we are so happy to see you, sir! *gives very forced smile*  
  
Snape: Good! Today's subject will be the magical properties of dragon pee. I will give a large bar of Honeydukes' best chocolate to the first person who can tell me the properties of this substance.  
  
Ron: *raises hand* Dragon pee is used to burn the skin and bones away from hands. It is also used as poison. However, if mixed with unicorn poo, the drinker will be healed of all ailments.  
  
Ron: *continues talking* The mixer of this powerful potion will then get his/her hands dirty. *continues talking for half the class period*  
  
Snape: *beams* Good! Good, good, good, good! Here's your chocolate.  
  
Ron: Thank you ever so much! *sits down and tries to flip hair *  
  
Class: *grumbles*  
  
Snape: What's that disgusting smell?  
  
Class: *shrugs*  
  
Ron: Sir, I've brought an example to class with me.  
  
Class: EEEEEWWIIIIIEEEEE!  
  
Snape: *impressed* Shut up, class. Mr. Weasley has now earned twenty extra- credit points on his quiz!  
  
Class: *in one mutter* Shit.  
  
Seamus: *whispering* Who the hell wants to learn about dragon piss anyway?  
  
Ron: Ooh! Ooh! I do!  
  
Seamus: Why? You already know everything there is to know about dragon piss!  
  
Ron: No I don't! Dragon urine is an ever so interesting a subject!  
  
*Morgan and Shadow suddenly appear using their super author powers*  
  
Morgan: *who, by the way, is wearing a blue polka dot bathing suit and waving a striped umbrella* Singin' in the rain, just singin' in the rain, what a glorious feeling I'm happy again . . .  
  
Shadow: *appears behind Snape (wearing a checkerboarded bathing suit) and starts whacking the hell out of him with a starry umbrella*  
  
Morgan: Yee-haw! *joins in*  
  
Class: *runs out screaming while Snape is getting the living daylights whacked out of him*  
  
Snape: *cross-eyed* Ooh, look at the pretty birdies! *falls to the ground dazedly*  
  
Shadow: *leans down and knocks him out* Throw him out the window, Morgan!  
  
Morgan: *throws him beyond Hogwarts grounds* Apparate already!  
  
*Mom walks in*  
  
Mom: Girls, you shouldn't be here.  
  
Morgan and Shadow: *impudently* Why?  
  
Mom: *shows teeth* BECAUSE I SAID SO!  
  
Morgan and Shadow: Ma'am Yes ma'am! *salute and hightail it out the door*  
  
Mom: *laughs evilly* Let's see what I can do with this stuff . . .  
  
*Mom begins throwing in random potion ingredients*  
  
Mom: A bit of this, a dash of that, this little doohickey here . . .  
  
Potion: *blows up and sends Mom screaming out the window*  
  
Morgan: *pops head in* Apparate already!  
  
Smoothie: Mreowrrrierowrrr. (Translation: Their mom is supposed to be TEACHING them, not LEARNING from their bad examples!)  
  
____________  
  
Ron, who is actually Hermione: *panting* Must . . . go . . . pee! Must . . . go . . . pee! *running to the girl's bathroom*  
  
Ron/Hermione: *reaches door* There! Let me in!  
  
Door: No!  
  
Ron/Hermione: *pleading and dancing around* But WHYYYY?  
  
Door: You perv! You're a GUY, estupido!  
  
Ron/Hermione: No I'm not! And I can prove it!  
  
Door: PERVERT IN THE LAVATORY HALL! PERVERT IN THE LAVATORY HALL! ALERT! ALERT! ALERT!  
  
*Snape, McGonagall, and Dumbledore come rushing in*  
  
Dumbledore: *looks at Ron/Hermione sternly* You're not Ron, are you?  
  
Ron/Hermione: What do you mean, of course I-*looks at feet* I have big feet.  
  
Morgan and Shadow: *appear and chime in*  
  
Morgan: Don't forget those freckles!  
  
Shadow: *adding on* And a big nose and that freaky red crew cut!  
  
Ron/Hermione: Whaddaya mean?! I have a bunch of bushy hair and long front teeth!  
  
Morgan and Shadow: Don't you remember that we made you, Ron, and Harry switch bodies?  
  
Ron/Hermione: You DID?  
  
Shadow: I'll take that as a no.  
  
Morgan: Me too . . .  
  
*Harry/Ron and Hermione/Harry enter lavatory hall*  
  
Dumbledore: Okay, I'll let you three sort this all out. *leaved with other teachers*  
  
Seamus: *comes in and walks up to Hermione/Harry* Kiss me, Hermione!  
  
*Hermione/Harry backs away as Ron/Hermione elbows in front*  
  
Ron/Hermione: OKAY! *lays lips all over Seamus, and, strangely, Seamus does nothing to stop this act*  
  
Hermione/Harry: Ick, Ron, you gay person!  
  
Harry/Ron: What? I'm not gay!  
  
Hermione/Harry: *confused* But . . . Ron's over there . . . ?  
  
Ron/Hermione: What do you mean? I'm Hermione!  
  
*Cho Chang walks in on their . . . erm . . . verrrry interesting conversation*  
  
Cho: Harry, will you go out with me?  
  
Harry/Ron: *grins evilly* Oh yes, I'm Harry, aren't I? Yes, of COURSE I'll go out with you!  
  
Hermione/Harry: NOOOOO! Cho, I'M Harry! That's Ron!  
  
Cho: *eyes widen* Hermione . . . *sniff* I never knew you felt this way about me . . .  
  
Hermione/Harry: What?! No! I'm HARRY! HERMIONE'S OVER THERE! *points to Ron/Hermione*  
  
Cho: *still sniffing* Hermione, I've been holding this back for so long, but . . . I'M GAY TOO!  
  
Seamus: Really?! *rips off boy costume* WOW! ME TOO!  
  
Ron/Hermione: WHAT THE?! D'YOU MEAN I'VE BEEN DATING A GIRL ALL THIS TIME?!  
  
Random Girl Who Used To Be Seamus: Yuperdoodle!  
  
Morgan: *whining* Awww, why do our ideas all turn out to be sick and twisted?  
  
Shadow: Hey, this was your idea. There is no 'our' in this.  
  
Morgan: Darn! I was hoping to place the blame on someone else! *points to Dumbledore* It was him!  
  
Dumbledore: *pulls out wand* You wanna start somethin'?  
  
Morgan: *grows reeeeeeeally tall* YEAH!  
  
Dumbledore: *shoots spell*  
  
Morgan: OWWWWWWW! THAT WAS MY FRIGGING NOSE, YOU #(%*#&%!  
  
Dumbledore: *grins evilly and disappears*  
  
Shadow: *shoots Morgan with her flaming/icy Altoid cannon*  
  
Morgan: OWWWW! THAT WAS MY EFFING ARM!  
  
Shadow: *creeps away giggling madly while eating Altoids*  
  
Morgan: MY ALTOIDS! *shrinks to normal size, steals some from Shadow and runs*  
  
Shadow: MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE! *chases Morgan cross- country*  
  
Cho: That was weird . . .  
  
R. G. W. U. T. B. S: *starts talking like valley girl* Yeah! Like, tell me about it!  
  
Cho: *also talking like valley girl* Like, omigod! Like, I like, totally agree with you!  
  
____________  
  
Amani: ARFARFARFARFFFFFFFY! (HIDE ME! I don't wanna get killed by the Fay twins again!)  
  
Morgan and Shadow: *see Amani running like hell's denizens were after her*  
  
Morgan: Should we chase her?  
  
Shadow: Nah, let 'em go for now.  
  
Smoothie: Mroew mro? (They let her go?)  
  
Amani: Roo!! (Saved!!)  
  
Lizzy: Scriiiiiiiiitchy Scratch SCRACH *tears hole through glass cage* Scrooch. (Translation: CAN WE LEAVE NOW?! Oops.)  
  
Morgan and Shadow: *drool* Strongness . . . *EAT A WHOLE PILE OF ALTOIDS AND ICECUBES TO MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME*  
  
____________  
  
CONTEST!!!! If you don't reply to this on a review then we can't continue. THIS IS CRUCIAL! All we need you to do is type (in a review) whether or not you people want them to have their bodies still switched or not. With either turn out we will comply. WE ARE THE PEOPLE'S AUTHORS. What you want is very important to us so if you could do this small thing then we'll be very grateful. But we must get at least three reviews of the same opinion from three different people before we can make another chapter!  
  
Oh! And you also have to tell us in the review whether you want us to reveal our deep dark secret about this story in the next review. Believe us, it's not something to laugh at.  
  
SO REVIEW AND TELL US WHAT YOU THINK! THIS STORY IS A DEMOCRACY! THE REVIEWERS DECIDE! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
____________  
  
*A stage w/red curtain appears. As the curtains are pulled up, you see the Fay twins dressed like Robin Goodfellow 'Puck' from Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream*  
  
Morgan and Shadow: *bow and begin reciting Puck's soliloquy*  
  
Shadow: If we shadows have offended  
  
Morgan: Think but this, and all is mended-  
  
Shadow: That you have but slumbered here  
  
Morgan: While these visions did appear.  
  
Shadow: And this weak and idle theme  
  
Morgan: No more yielding but a dream.  
  
Shadow: Gentles, do not reprehend  
  
Morgan: If you pardon, we will mend.  
  
Shadow: And as we are two honest Fays  
  
Morgan: If we have unwanted sani-tay  
  
Shadow: Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue  
  
Morgan: We will make amends ere long.  
  
Shadow: Else the Fays two liars call  
  
Morgan: So good night unto you all.  
  
Shadow: Give us your hands if we be friends  
  
Morgan and Shadow: *screaming hysterically* AND THE EVIL FAY TWINS OF DOOM SHALL RESTORE AMENDS! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *breath* - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - *breath* - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Smoothie: Mrieoww. Meowwpurrmrieowwrrrr (Translation: I knew something was wrong with them the day they bought me from the pet store).  
  
Amani: AROOF ARRFY ROOF WOOFYARF?! ARF WOOF ARFY! (Translation: WE ACTUALLY AGREE ON SOMETHING?! IT'S A MIRACLE!) *faints*  
  
Morgan and Shadow: *shake heads sadly*  
  
Shadow: Something is SERIOUSLY wrong with that dog . . . 


	8. A Fond Farewell to a Reptilian Relation

Hello all. This is not a HPGW chapter. It is a way to remember Honeysuckle, a.k.a Lizzy. She was a dear family member, and this is out of respect to her. Shadow, the poet of the family, has written a lovely eulogy for her. Please take a moment to remember the sarcastic Swift Fence lizard, Honeysuckle Lizzy Fay.

-Morgan and Shadow

____________________________________

A Fond Farewell to a Reptilian Relation

A Tribute to Our Deceased Friend and Lizard, Honeysuckle Fay

May You Fly to Heaven on Swift Wings . . . or Climb on Fast Claws . . .

We Miss You

Poem by Shadow 

____________________________________

May your dreams fly to the stars

And your thoughts up to the moon

May your soul soar to the sun

As heaven sings a gentle tune

_________

We miss your sweet sarcasm

And your sharp intelligence too

The world is so much darker without your knowing eyes

Your time came all too soon

_________

As your body burns

In the sacred fire

Our heads bow to you

On the funeral pyre

_________

We wish you'd stuck around

But it was time for you to leave

We hope you'll wait for us in heaven

Soaring on dragon wings

_________

Now that life has come full circle

But death has left its mark

We carry your spirit forever

Ending where we start.

____________________________________

Good-bye, Lizzy. We miss you.

And we always will.

We'll never forget you.

Rest in peace, and wait for us in heaven.

_________

From Your Loving Caretakers, Morgan and Shadow Fay


	9. THE END RESULT! Thank you!

Harry Potter Gone Wrong!  
  
By MorganShadow  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Morgan and Shadow: *growl* Belongs to J.K. Not us. Now stop asking!  
  
Chapter Eight: Back To Their Bodies . . . Darn . . .  
  
____________  
  
Morgan and Shadow: By an overwhelming margin, the votes stand thus: Keep them switched-1; Switch them back-4! Or something like that . . .  
  
Shadow: *grumbles* And just when we were having fun . . . I em dypley peeshed.  
  
Morgan: Dawn! I gwana doo morie.  
  
Amani: Arf froof roffie Ragan? ARF AROOOOO! (Are they speaking Shagan? NOT AGAIN!)  
  
Mom: NOW CUT TO THE REAL STORY!  
  
____________  
  
*Hermione/Ron, Ron/Harry, Harry/Hermione are sitting around a monopoly board*  
  
Hermione/Ron: You know, Monopoly means-  
  
Ron/Harry and Harry/Hermione: *glare at Hermione/Ron*  
  
Hermione/Ron: What?  
  
Ron/Harry and Harry/Hermione: Don't you say a word.  
  
Hermione/Ron: A word.  
  
*Hermione/Ron gets mauled by Harry/Hermione and Ron/Harry*  
  
Hermione/Ron: ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! I'LL SHUT UP!  
  
Two figures in the darkness: *cackle deviously*  
  
Ron/Harry: *whimper* Whozzat???  
  
Hermione/Ron: *soils pants* I think I just -censored- myself . . .  
  
Shrill voice from the shadows: *shrieks loudly* WASH OUT YOUR MOUTH!  
  
*Girl who looks more or less like Morgan or Shadow leaps out of the gloom and begins throttling Hermione/Ron*  
  
Yet ANOTHER shrill voice from the shadows: NO! NONONONONONONO! BAD DORI! BAD! NO THROTTLING HPGW CHARACTERS!  
  
And yet ANOTHER shrill voice from the shadows: *screeches along to some random opera song*  
  
Glass window: *shatters*  
  
Ron/Harry's glasses: *explodes*  
  
Everyone: *claps their hands over their ears*  
  
Opera voice: *is abruptly cut off*  
  
*Morgan jumps out of the shadows dragging Shadow by the throat*  
  
Morgan: Sorry about both of those . . . things. Dori is highly sensitive to swearwords and Shadow is addicted to operatic pop. If there is any such genre of music.  
  
Shadow: *gags and claws at Morgan's hands*  
  
Morgan: Aghhhh! The pain in my poor appendages! *lets go*  
  
Shadow: Now you shall DIE! *screams and revs a chainsaw that magically appears in her hands*  
  
Morgan: AYIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *twirls butcher knives that she pulled out of her hair (she was wearing a bun . . . and Shadow thought they were chopsticks . . . )  
  
Freak who looks like a Fay: Violence is NOT THE ANSWER! And . . . wait . . . no . . . what was I saying? OH YEAH! I'm Dorinda! Dori to all of you readers out there. I'm Morgan and Shadow's older sister by a month or so. And I AM ALSO CALLED PRINCESS ZELDA HARKINIAN IV! Yeah! And . . . yeah . . . some more! *pulls several blonde hairs from amid her long brown tresses*  
  
Shadow: *pokes Morgan between the eyes* See! I TOLD you she was originally blonde! Now hand over the money!  
  
Morgan: Rrrrrrr . . . *steam rises from forehead as she hands over fifty bucks*  
  
Shadow: Hehe . . . *shuffles feet* I gotta go now . . . *takes off and runs over Dori*  
  
Morgan: *chases after Shadow and also runs over Dori*  
  
Dori: *cough, hack, wheeze* Hey! Not cool man! I mean, woman!  
  
Morgan and Shadow: *twitchy twitch twitch* KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL! MUST KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!  
  
Dori: Eeeeeps! *runs*  
  
Morgan and Shadow: AGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *runs after her*  
  
_____________  
  
Dori: *pant, pant* Well, now that I'm a thousand miles away, we will continue this fanfiction!  
  
Morgan and Shadow: *pop up in a poof of illogicalness* Who said that YOU were going to be in this fic?  
  
Dori: BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T I WILL UNLEASH MY FULL DITZINESS AND BLONDENESS UPON YOU!  
  
Morgan and Shadow: AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE DITZINESS AND BLONDENESS! ANYTHING BUT THE DITZINESS AND BLONDENESS!  
  
Dori: *grins blondely* Heheheh . . . BLONDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!  
  
Shadow: . . . I am surrounded by cow turds . . .  
  
Morgan: YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT! *runs off*  
  
Shadow: o.0 Huh? . . . HEY! *roars and sets Morgan's bum on fire with a flamethrower*  
  
Morgan: *dances around as the fireball nails her square in the rear* OWIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS! THE PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN IN MY BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!  
  
Dori: *looking clueless* I don't get it.  
  
Morgan and Shadow: . . . blondes . . . *sweatdrop*  
  
Dori: *offended* I'm offended! *points to 'offended' caption*  
  
Shadow: As we have previously stated . . .  
  
Morgan and Shadow: . . . blondes . . .  
  
*This goes on for quite a while as Hermione/Ron, Harry/Hermione, and Ron/Harry step up*  
  
All: NOW BACK TO OUR ORIGINALLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM!  
  
Amani: Rarf arfruff aroof roof (Translation: I am surrounded by cow turds).  
  
Morgan and Shadow: Takes one to know one!  
  
Dori: *prances into the room wearing a pink ballerina costume* I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and-oops, wrong musical.  
  
Morgan and Shadow: *hops on those medieval jousting horses* ON WITH THE FANFICTION!  
  
_____________  
  
Ron/Harry: I want to go back to my old body . . . Cho's acting weird again . . .  
  
Cho: Oh Harrikins! I'm soooo sorry about that! Just a joke! *pinches a passing Ravenclaw's butt*  
  
Harry/Hermione: Yeah . . . So do I. Seamus is . . . well . . . see for yourself . . .  
  
Seamus: I swear I'm not a cross-dresser Hermie!!! I looooooooooove you! It was my sister who did that!  
  
Harry/Hermione: Riiiight...  
  
Hermione/Ron: Yeah . . . And Krum REALLY likes you, Ron.  
  
Krum: Ronnie Veasly, my love! Your Juliet is back! Hagrid convinced me to leave you but I know you vant me!  
  
Hermione/Ron: Maybe I can use this to my advantage *still likes Krum* Come here Krummy . . .  
  
All: NO HERMIONE!  
  
Dori: Maybe I can help . . .  
  
Morgan and Shadow: How could YOU a ditzy blonde undo what we Fay twins have done?  
  
Dori: I'm writing this, remember?  
  
Morgan and Shadow: Damn.  
  
Dori: DON'T SWEAR!  
  
Morgan and Shadow: Eep! *hides*  
  
Dori: ANYways . . . All you need is to convince Amani to lick you.  
  
Amani: Wruff? Rarand riff ruffopem? (What? And kiss them?)  
  
Dori: Yes?  
  
Amani: Ruffty row! (-Censored-)  
  
Dori: WHAT *grows slightly larger* HAVE I SAID*gets bigger* ABOUT CURISING? *is fifty feet tall*  
  
Morgan: *looks over at Shadow* You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?  
  
Shadow: *stares at Dori* . . . yup . . .  
  
Morgan and Shadow: *screaming* BATTLE OF THE TITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANS! *grows sixty feet tall*  
  
Dori: Oh no, you don't! *grows seventy feet tall*  
  
Morgan and Shadow: Rrrrrrr . . . *grows six hundred feet tall, breaking the castle roof*  
  
Dori: *blink blink* AUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH! *shrinks and runs*  
  
Morgan and Shadow: *shrinks* That's one problem that we don't have to think about anymore.  
  
Hermione/Ron: *gets bright idea* Hey, Amani . . . do you like bacon bits?  
  
Amani: Ruhff? RAFFFY RIFFS? Rihff . . . ruffy riff? (Translation: What? BACON BITS?! Wait . . . what kind?)  
  
Hermione/Ron: Ummm . . . Turkey!  
  
Amani: *eyes get huge* RUUUUUUUUUUUFIEEEEEEEEEEEE! (YUUUUUUUUUMYYYYYYYYYYY!)  
  
Hermione/Ron: All right then . . . hold on one minute. We'll get some for you.  
  
__________________  
  
*Hermione/Ron comes back with armful of crushed turkey bacon bits*  
  
Hermione/Ron: All right, Ron and Harry . . . Everyone's arse over here right now. That makes things a whole heck of a lot easier.  
  
*Harry/Hermione and Ron/Harry scoot over* What now?  
  
Hermione/Ron: We roll in the bacon bits until we're covered in them. Duh.  
  
Harry/Hermione and Ron/Harry: WHAT? WE HAVE TO GET DOG SLOBBER ALL OVER US?!  
  
Hermione/Ron: Like you don't endure that when you visit Hagrid.  
  
Harry/Hermione: Well . . . you have a point there.  
  
Hermione/Ron: Yes I do. GET IN THE DAMN BACON!  
  
Dori: *pops up from wherever she was* NO SWEARING!!! *runs off*  
  
Everyone: Eeeeehhhhhh . . . *sweatdrop*  
  
Harry/Hermione, Ron/Harry, and Hermione/Ron: *get back up*  
  
Hermione/Ron: Well . . . BACON TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!  
  
*odd upbeat hip hop music plays in the background as the three roll in the bacon bits*  
  
___________________  
  
Amani: *strolls in* Ruff arf arfity ruffy? Arrrf ruff ruff . . . ARROOOOOOOFFFFFFF! Arf arfity ruff roofie. . . . ROOFIE ARFARFARF! (Translation: What's that smell? It smells of . . . BACON! And not just ANY bacon . . . TURKEY BACON!)  
  
Hermione/Ron: Come and get it!  
  
Amani: *bounds up and pounces on all three of them, licking them vigorously*  
  
FIFTEEN MINUTES PASSES . . .  
  
*All are licked clean and dripping with dog slobber*  
  
Amani: *is extremely fat* Arrrrrrfffffffff . . . BUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP! *hic*  
  
Hermione/Ron, Harry/Hermione, and Ron/Harry: . . . Well? Did it work?  
  
*suddenly, blue lightning flashes and the threesome are engulfed in Altoid- smelling smoke*  
  
Harry/Hermione: Whheeew! You can get high of this s- *gets slapped by an unseen hand*  
  
Scratching from beyond the grave: Scratch Scriiiiiiiitch Scritchy. Scritch Scrootch Scraaaaatch! (Translation: I'm sure that Dori would say, 'Don't swear!'. But she's proved her point, I presume . . .)  
  
Everyone: WHAT POINT?!  
  
SFBTG: Scratch scrootch! (Translation: Ghosts are ALWAYS right!!!)  
  
Harry/Hermione: Hold up . . . Dori sees ghosts?  
  
SFBTG: SCRATCHY SCRITCH SCRAAAAAAAATCHYYYYYYYYYYYY! Scratcha scrootch. Scratch scrootchy scritch? (Translation: HEY! I'M A GHOST TOO YOU KNOW! A GHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST! Honeysuckle Fay at my own service. How might I serve myself?)  
  
Hermione/Ron: Are you asking us to cook you or something?  
  
SFBTG, a.k.a Honeysuckle's ghost: SCRATCHY SCRITCH SCROOTCHY! (Translations: NO! YOU HAVE DISTURBED ME! DO NOT DISTURB THE DEAD!)  
  
Ron/Harry: Dude, you disturbed US.  
  
Honeysuckle's ghost: *materializes with huge dragon wings on her back and holding a glass pane covered in scratch marks* Honestly, folks. I'm supposed be scary.  
  
Ron/Harry: AAH! A GIANT LIZARD WITH WINGS IS TALKING!  
  
Harry/Hermione: *singsong voice clapping hands over ears* YOU'RE NOT REEEE- ALLLLLL! YOU'RE JUST A FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION COME TO KICK MY ASS!  
  
Honeysuckle's ghost: Chill out. I'm like Casper. Just more scaly. And reptilian. And . . . a girl.  
  
Hermione/Ron: *has pissed pants* I knew it all along!  
  
Honeysuckle's ghost: *gets scratched by glass plat and tosses it away* Screw that glass plate. Never liked it anyway.  
  
Everyone: *sweatdrop*  
  
Honeysuckle's ghost: *waves a claw and they all float back up* Well, I'll be appearing every other chapter, so don't expect me next update. Wait . . . *flicks herself between the eyes* Coming, coming . . . Sorry. The chief apostle wants me to, in his words, "GET YOUR SCALY ARSE UP HERE PRONTO, YOU NO-GOOD EXCUSE FOR A DRAGON!"  
  
Hermione, the most logical: I think we have changed back. We've been in this smoke a long time, haven't we?  
  
*smoke lifts and we see Morgan and Shadow dyed blue and giggling fit to bring the castle down*  
  
Hermione: What in the name of Amani slobber are you two doing?  
  
Morgan: LITTLE PINK ELEPHANTS! AHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Shadow: MOO! MOO! MOO! AHAHAHAHA! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Dori: *pops up* Who gave them access to the liquor cabinet?  
  
Honeysuckle's ghost: *chuckles* It was me. Now; I AM GETTING OUT OF THIS LOONY BIN! *disappears in a burst of blue-white flame*  
  
Morgan and Shadow: Weeheehee . . . FIYAH! *passes out*  
  
Everyone: o.0  
  
Hermione: Back away . . . slowly . . .  
  
___________________  
  
So ends the eighth chapter!  
  
Narrator (we have a narrator? May wonders never cease . . . ): Well, technically, it IS the ninth one, because of the eulogy and all . . .  
  
Morgan: SHUT UP! IT'S THE EIGHTH!  
  
Shadow: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! *attacks Narrator*  
  
Narrator: Hey! My name is Bob!  
  
Morgan: Oh for the love of- *joins Shadow in mauling Bob*  
  
Bob: Owie! I want my mommy!  
  
Shadow: *backs off* Can we just go now?  
  
Morgan: Yes! *walks away*  
  
Shadow: *follows*  
  
Bob: *cough* But . . . what *cough* about . . . meeeeeeeee?  
  
Morgan and Shadow: Nobody cares about you, Bob. And just for the record, your mom has been dead for fifty years.  
  
Smoothie: *appears for the first time in a couple months* Mrieowwr rawr purrr meow meeeeeooooooowwwwww? (Translation: Could we get a new narrator now? Like one who actually LIKES to scratch my back?)  
  
Morgan: *rolls eyes* Fine then . . JUDYYYYYYYYYY! I mean . . . MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!  
  
Mom: *pops up* What is it, sweetie-lumpkin-pie?  
  
Morgan: *turns green* Ummmmm . . . you're our new narrator for just as long as you don't call me or Shadow that ever again.  
  
Mom: Narrator? YES! I AM NO LONGER JUST A HOUSEWIFE! PRAISE BE!  
  
Morgan and Shadow: *sweatdrop*  
  
~.*:-FIN-:*.~ 


End file.
